


Not Mine, Not Mine

by fireawayx



Category: Beyoncé Knowles (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:30:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2463377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireawayx/pseuds/fireawayx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aubrey is in his feelings. I wrote this for a friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Mine, Not Mine

Aubrey Drake Graham was lying on his back, in a tank top, on 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. The air was dense with the smell of marijuana, and his pipe sat on the night stand, the bowl still hot from when he’d lit it moments ago. Because that was what he did every time he ran into Beyoncé at one of those silly black tie events. He went home alone. Turned the lights dim. Lit up. Went into his mind.

He thought about her. When he was sober it was easy to occupy his mind with something else - Aubrey was a busy man, after all. Tours, music, promotions, events…they could cover the space in his mind that Bey had a hold over. It was a thin veil, at best, but sufficient enough.

But when he was alone, and high, and there was no chattering white noise, she crept in. 

The smoke swirled around his head, and in a way, it made him think of how good she smelled - like the hazy, whirling clouds were a representation of the way the sweet smell of her skin had a way of washing over you, weaving itself into your jacket, lingering. 

He thought about how good the hugs she gave were. How her speaking voice was soft, but layered and decadent. Her glowing skin. The curves of her body.

Aubrey thought of Beyoncé as the essence of duality. She was rigid, unyielding strength, yet soft and vulnerable. Graceful, but fearsome and powerful. How she could feel so untouchable, and yet, look exactly like home all at once.

When he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like, to be with her, it was never in an invasive way. He loved and respected what she had with Jay, and the family they had created with Blue. It wasn’t in Aubrey’s moral fiber to disrupt a happy family, not even in his imagination.

No, he dared to simply dream about another life. Another day. Maybe she and Jay had never met, were never aware of each other at all. Aubrey could have had a chance. They’d be an attractive, talented couple. He would touch her, love her, and she would pour the same energy back. He could treat Bey the way he’d always wanted to treat the eventual love of his life - the woman who was out there, somewhere, unidentified but so wanted.

Aubrey was lying on his back, on 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, and he told himself that he would get over her, that it was a fleeting, idealistic, schoolboy crush. That in the long run, his feelings meant nothing. He would get over this. He would hold her as a contemporary and a friend, nothing more. This wasn’t love. This wasn’t love.

Aubrey was lying on his back, on 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Aubrey was lying.


End file.
